It is the funeral ceremony that everyone remembers. The person who has died takes centre stage for the last time and those attending may begin to come to terms with the death and any difficulties left over, and also celebrate one, unique life. Here we suggest ten ways to improve a crematorium funeral as they can sometimes feel unfamiliar and time restricted.
1 Take some simple decorations to personalise the ceremony hall, such as flowers, material, photos. Or make the coffin personal by decorating it or placing objects on top of it (for example, a favourite hat or other familiar object).
2 If you want a more intimate feel, place the coffin closer to the mourners on trestles, instead of on the catafalque. This may enable everyone to file past it on the way out, instead of curtains being drawn.
3 Request for any religious icons to be removed or covered if they are not appropriate and bring your own if you want them (e.g a Buddha). Crematoria staff are usually very helpful.
4 Book a double time period so that you don’t feel rushed especially if there a lot of people coming.
5 See if you can find any family or friends who are willing to speak, or have a brief ‘open space’ where anyone can tell a short anecdote, or just say what the person who died meant to them. This brings life and intimacy into the ceremony.
6 Find a funeral celebrant who will spend time finding out about the person who has died and devise a good ceremony which accurately reflects the views and beliefs of the person who has died.
7 Give everyone a sprig of heather or a single flower and have a few moments when these can be put on the coffin, perhaps before the coffin is taken in. This connects everyone and creates a sense of intimacy.
8 Choose whatever music you like – most crematoria have good CD sound systems and you are allowed to bring musicians. There are many songs that are not hymns but are well enough known for most people to sing along.
9 Don’t forget that you can have the ashes collected and have a personal ceremony to scatter or bury those somewhere significant for you.
10 Don’t hold it at the crematorium at all! You can hold the main funeral ceremony at a different venue, for example in a village hall, function room, marquee, our Riverstone premises – there are no rules about this. One family we helped found the grandchildren reluctant to the crematorium and so held the funeral at home, and the three sons accompanied the coffin to the crematorium on their own afterwards.
Jane Morrell and Simon Smith of Heart & Soul Funerals, authors of We Need To Talk About The Funeral – 101 Practical Ways To Commemorate And Celebrate A Life.
