Bringing Comfort Through Words
When someone we care about suffers a bereavement, finding the right words can be challenging. Receiving a letter of condolence and sympathy can give comfort to the bereaved, acknowledging that their loved one had a positive impact on others’ lives. Here’s some hints to write a heartfelt sympathy letter.
- Write the Letter by Hand
A handwritten letter or beautiful card in which you can write feels much more personal than a typed letter or a card with a ready made inscription. - Write from the heart
Your letter doesn’t have to be long and it’s best if it heartelt. We often worry about saying the wrong thing, but expressing care in simple words works best. Think about what you would appreciate hearing if you were in their shoes. While you can’t take away their pain, knowing you care can provide comfort. - Express Your Condolences
Focus on acknowledging the loss and expressing your sympathy sincerely, rather than dwelling on how the person died. But you can acknowledge emotions. Here are a few examples:
• “It is with great sadness that I learned about the passing of…”
• “I was deeply saddened to hear about X…”
• “It came as such a shock to hear about X and I imagine this is devastating for you and your family”
• “I can only imagine how sad you may feel . . .”
• “You always spoke so fondly of x and I know how much they meant to you. I am thinking of you at this sad time.”
Avoid things like
• “I am sure your memories of x will sustain you”
• “She will live forever in your heart”
• “He will be missed by everyone”
• “I’m a firm believer that when we lose someone close to us they continue to live on through us.”
• “God only takes the best”.
- Share something specific about the person
Sharing a fond memory or a quality you have noticed about the person who has died can be lovely for the bereaved. Hearing new stories can be very comforting, as it shows how they positively affected others.
To help with this, take a few moments to think of the person who has died. What qualities, attributes, anecdotes come to mind?
Try to think of 3 specific things and write about one or more of those. As practice you could think of someone you work with or a neighbour
e.g: John – quality – helpful / kind – often happy to help neighbours with practical house repairs – loved his dog / a dedicated dog owner – could be seen wrapped up in all weathers to take the dog for a walk – loved his grandkids and wanted the best for them – I saw him spend endless hours teaching his grandkids to ride a bike and making sure they were safe in the road.
Then you have real material. “I was so saddened to hear about John and my heart goes out to you at this time. When I think of him, I remember particularly how kind he was to help his neighbours with practical jobs – he was so skilled. He once helped me to . .. .. And he always cut a figure out with the dog in all weathers, in that red anorak he loved. And he certainly got all the grandkids going on their bikes. He seemed to take such pleasure in them. I should think they will miss him dreadfully.”
- Offer Your Help and Support
If you can offer support, mention this in your letter. Specific offers, such as helping with weekly shopping, are more likely to be accepted. Be sure only to make promises you can keep. - Close the Letter with Thoughtful Words
End your letter with words of affection and support. Here are a few suggestions:
• “My love and thoughts are with you.”
• “With my affection and deepest condolences.”
• “My sincere sympathy.”
• “My heart goes out to you.”
Examples of Sympathy Letters
To a Neighbour or Close Friend
“Although we have spoken recently, I wanted to write and tell you how sorry I am for your loss. [Name] was such a special person that no words are enough. [He or she] brought pleasure to many of her colleagues and will be sadly missed. Give an example. I greatly valued [name’s] warm friendship and I think others did too. I am always here to talk if you would like. I’ll get in touch soon to see if I can make myself useful in any way.”
If you have specific, write about them, He/she was so kind to me. I remember when I needed help …. and he/she came to my rescue / I remember how he had such a cheery hello when we met in the street / his work for the RNLI showed how kind he was / we shared a love of the same music.
To the Family of a Colleague
“I am writing on behalf of all [name’s] friends at [name of organisation] to express our sympathy at your sad loss. [Name] was a valued member of the team and contributed to the organisation in many ways [give an example] She had a knack for working her way around the system to get things done / her cheerfulness in the lunch room made her a pleasure to sit beside / she often had a kind word of encouragement for new recruits . Besides being an excellent worker, [he or she] was good-humoured and considerate towards [his or her] colleagues. e.g. I remember how she was often the one to get a card for birthdays or when people were leaving. [He or she] often spoke of [his or her] family with affection. [Name] will be sadly missed by me and many others. Our thoughts are with you at this difficult time.”
To the Family Who Have Lost a Child
“I was very upset to hear of your cruel loss and I can’t imagine how awful this must be for you. My heart goes out to you. [Name] was such a lovely [child or person] [say something specific]. If there is anything [I or we] can do, [I am or we are] only a phone call away. For example if I can help with lifts for Y and Z to school or football / set up a rota to provide you with evening meals a couple of times a week / whatever you can offer.
At Heart and Soul Funerals, we understand the importance of expressing your sympathy with sincerity and compassion. We hope this will enable you to write letters and card that will provide some comfort.
